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Need a distraction - Collection of Mental Lint and other Minutia
June 21st, 2013
12:47 am

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Need a distraction
I'm tired, and I'm about done. I have avoided commenting on Facebook posts eulogizing my cousin April. Enough people are "OMG I'm so sorry for your loss, you know she's with Jesus and her Dad watching out for you now and she's not in any more pain" and it's grating on my nerves. The only part of that that is in the slightest bit comforting is that she's no longer in pain. The rest are empty words spewed by people who have nothing useful to say and don't know when a reply really wasn't required. Nobody ever replies when you comment like that. You want to make us feel better? Donate to what's going to be her girls' college fund. Get an annual pap smear, and encourage others to do the same. Vaccinate your kids against HPV. Get off your ass and cook real food so that your body has a chance to fight off disease. Take a vitamin every now and again.

April preferred Sunny Delight to actual orange juice, and Kraft Mac & Cheese to baked macaroni made with real cheese. She actually told me she preferred the taste of the fake cheese powder to real cheese. I loved her dearly, but I don't get it.

Even as she sat in her recliner dying, she drank Vitamin Water and PowerAde instead of juice. I don't understand! I really don't understand! I watched her husband bring her dinner, a pork chop grilled until burnt with a side of instant mashed potatoes, because "that's what she'll eat." WTF? She'd ask us to grab her a coffee coolata from Dunks and a Boston Crème donut. I get that you cater, to a degree, to people, but she'd take two bites of that donut, and that was all she would eat until dinner. What The Fuck?

I'm not saying eating better would have cured her. I can hope and dream that it would have, but she wouldn't do it, so it doesn't matter. I can guarantee you it would have extended her life and improved the quality. What does matter is that a diet of Boston Crème donuts and instant mashed potatoes is a recipe for illness, and I will beat the next person I care about until they have to drink all their meals through a straw if I catch them doing anything resembling eating such a crappy diet, and then I'll make them drink fresh vegetable juice through that straw until they like it.

And, no, I don't really care right now if anyone takes this the wrong way, or the right way. Take offense, because I don't rightly give a shit. My favorite cousin is dead, and I'm NOT OK with it.

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From:tearsinger
Date:June 22nd, 2013 11:47 pm (UTC)
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I am sorry for what you are going through. My wife was just diagnosed with cervical cancer two weeks ago. How old was your cousin?
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From:oxymoron02
Date:June 24th, 2013 02:05 pm (UTC)
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30, and this was her second bout. She was 28 first time around, chemo, hysterectomy, the full monty, and it came back. By the time they found it, it was in her lungs, her bones, she even had a few spots in her brain that they weren't ruling out were cancer.

I'm sorry that your wife has cervical cancer, I truly am.

I just, as in 3 hours ago, got home, after driving all night, from the large family party that was her dying wish. I'm freaking exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally. I may try to respond in something resembling a helpful manner after I've had some sleep. Probably tomorrow. I'm going to be pretty useless for the rest of today.
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